10 Signs You're Being Too Strict As A Parent

Parenting is never easy. From the moment your child is born, you’re faced with decisions and questions like how to discipline your child, when to give them independence, how many rules to set, and so much more. In today’s world, there’s a fine line between being a parent with rules and good consequences, and being a strict parent.

There’s no denying that structure, boundaries, and consequences are vital to a child’s upbringing, but when do you cross the line? When does being a parent cross over into being overly strict? When you become too strict, you can end up hurting your child’s emotional development and your relationship with them.

If you’ve been questioning whether your child’s rules and expectations are getting a little too out of hand, then this post is for you.

10 Signs You’re Being Too Strict As A Parent

1. Your Child Constantly Feels Anxious or Fearful

A sure-fire way to know if you’re being too strict is if your child constantly acts afraid or anxious around you. Does your child often appear like they’re scared to do or say something wrong around you? Do they try to avoid talking to you because they’re worried they’ll get into trouble or yelled at?

Of course, you need to teach your child right from wrong, and consequences for bad behavior are normal, but if your child is scared or anxious around you constantly, it can lead to unnecessary emotional trauma. Children should feel like they can make mistakes without constantly worrying about getting into trouble.

What to do instead: Provide encouragement, validate their feelings, and make sure they know that mistakes are okay, as long as they’re willing to learn and change.

2. You Have Unreasonably High Expectations

While you, as a parent, naturally want the absolute best for your child, if your expectations are too high, your child can end up feeling like they’ll never be able to measure up to them. Do you have expectations that your child is naturally unable to meet? Do you expect your child to excel in every area of their life without regard for their temperament or interests?

Unreasonable pressure and expectations can lead to your child feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and resentful, and may even make them feel like a failure. It’s great to have big expectations for your child, but it’s also important to be realistic and supportive.

What to do instead: Set reachable, age-appropriate expectations for your child and allow them to choose activities they genuinely enjoy.

3. You Never Allow Your Child to Make Decisions

Do you make every decision for your child, whether it’s what they should wear, which friends they can play with, or what activities they should do? While younger children certainly need guidance, older children and teenagers should be allowed to make their own decisions, and you should let them be responsible for the outcomes of those choices.

Children who aren’t allowed to make decisions for themselves often have a hard time making confident choices as they grow older. They can also become overly dependent or struggle to deal with adversity.

What to do instead: Empower your child to make age-appropriate decisions for themselves, within reasonable boundaries. Go over the pros and cons of their decision, but let them take responsibility for the final choice.

4. You Overreact to Small Issues

If you find yourself often getting angry or upset with your child over small problems like a messy room or a dropped glass of water, it’s a sign that your standards are too high or you have control issues. Discipline and structure are necessary, but you shouldn’t overreact to every little issue.

Your child needs to feel like they can make mistakes without fearing that you’ll overreact or blow things out of proportion. If you overreact, they will feel small, unheard, and, worse, they may stop being honest with you about their mistakes in the future.

What to do instead: Step back and ask yourself if this is something worth reacting to or if it can be overlooked. Ask your child what they were thinking, and focus on the behavior, not the mistake.

5. You Don’t Allow Room for Fun or Flexibility

If there’s no room for play or fun in your house, or if everything your child does has to be scheduled and controlled, you may be too strict. All children need to be allowed to just be kids every once in a while, but if there’s no free space or leniency in your child’s life, they can’t explore their interests, use their imagination, or just be a kid.

If your child has no time for play or free space, it can stifle their creativity and make them resent the rules and structure you try to enforce.

What to do instead: It’s important to have a certain amount of structure in place for your child, but it’s equally important to allow them free time and downtime where they can just do what they want and explore their passions.

6. You Constantly Compare Your Child to Others

It’s all too easy to compare your child to other children—whether it’s their siblings, friends, or classmates. But if you’re constantly finding fault with your child and making them feel inferior by comparison, this will only make them feel like they’re not good enough or that they can never be enough for you.

Instead of always comparing, focus on appreciating and acknowledging the strengths and progress your child is making. Every child is different, and they all develop on their own timelines.

What to do instead: Praise your child for their efforts and progress, even if they aren’t the best or the brightest. Instead of comparing them to others, appreciate and celebrate them for who they are.

7. Your Child Is Afraid to Express Their Opinions

If your child is shy around you or afraid to express their own opinions, this may be because you, as a parent, are shutting down their ideas or making them feel inferior when they have different opinions. As a parent, it’s important to respect your child’s individuality, and if you don’t, you’ll damage your relationship and cause them to lose confidence in themselves and their own voice.

It’s essential to have a healthy relationship with your child where they can respect you, but also feel comfortable expressing themselves and their ideas without fear of criticism or reprimand.

What to do instead: Encourage your child to express themselves and their opinions around you. Have open discussions without judging or shutting down their ideas.

8. You Expect Immediate Obedience Without Explanation

While children should understand the concept of authority and respect your position as their parent, you should never expect them to drop everything they’re doing and listen to you without any explanation. Children need to understand the reason behind your commands or requests, otherwise, they’ll feel oppressed, and emotional rebellion can set in.

Demanding immediate and complete obedience with no room for questions or dialogue can leave your child feeling frustrated and create emotional distance.

What to do instead: Always provide your child with the reason and logic behind your requests and orders. Explain why you need them to do what you’re asking.

Related: 15 Signs of Bad Parenting

9. You Never Give Your Child Positive Reinforcement

Parents who are too strict often focus only on the negative. While correcting and disciplining your child is important, you should never focus solely on what your child is doing wrong. If you never give your child positive reinforcement for doing something right, they’ll feel like they can never do anything right and may become disengaged or resentful of your overbearing rules and expectations.

Positive reinforcement is crucial in your child’s emotional development and helps build their self-esteem and confidence.

What to do instead: Praise your child when they do something right or demonstrate good behavior. Don’t just focus on the outcome—also praise their efforts and attitude.

10. You Feel Like You Have to Control Every Aspect of Your Child’s Life

If you feel the need to control every aspect of your child’s life—whether it’s their homework, hobbies, or even their friendships and social life—you may be too strict. While it’s important to be involved in your child’s life, you should also allow them to make their own choices and mistakes.

Children who are overly controlled by their parents often end up resenting them and struggling with autonomy and self-identity.

What to do instead: Trust your child’s ability to make their own choices. Give them space to grow, experience both successes and failures, and develop their own personality and interests.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is a balancing act. It’s vital to set boundaries, teach children respect, and help them develop values, but being too strict can damage your child’s emotional development and even your relationship with them. If any of these strict-parent behaviors sound familiar to you, don’t feel bad.

It’s never too late to adjust your parenting style. The important thing is to foster an atmosphere of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. This way, you can build a better relationship with your child—one that supports their independence and emotional health.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about growing alongside your child, learning from your mistakes, and being flexible and adaptable to your child’s needs. Sometimes, a little less control and a lot more empathy can go a long way.

Save the pin for later