A brother-sister relationship is not always going to be smooth sailing. Some brothers are supportive, loving, and full of life, while others can be downright toxic. Having a toxic brother can be emotionally damaging, causing you to question your self-worth and leaving you with deep emotional scars.
If you suspect your brother may be toxic or you’re simply struggling with the relationship you have with him, it’s important to spot the signs. Toxicity can often be insidious, slowly creeping into a relationship until it becomes a big problem.
Today, we’ll walk you through some common signs that your brother is toxic. We’ll also help you work out how to deal with his behavior or toxicity so you can start healing from it.
Signs Your Brother Is Toxic (+ How to Deal)
Whether your brother has been toxic for years or you’ve only recently started to see signs of toxicity in his behavior, it’s never too late to take action.
First, take a few minutes to work out which signs of toxicity your brother displays. Then, you can work on improving your relationship with him or learning how to cope with his toxicity in a way that’s best for you.
1. Constant Criticism
Does your brother criticize you constantly? From the way you dress to the career choices you’ve made and the decisions you make? Toxic brothers often focus on finding fault with their siblings rather than supporting them.
Why it’s toxic: Constant criticism can damage your self-esteem, leaving you doubting yourself and questioning your life choices.
How to deal: Let him know when he crosses the line and when his comments are hurtful. If the behavior continues, consider limiting your interactions with him to protect your mental health.
Related:15 Things Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Do
2. Manipulation for His Own Gain
Is your brother always trying to manipulate situations for his benefit? Does he often use guilt or charm to get what he wants? A toxic brother may make you feel like you’re responsible for his well-being and make you feel guilty when you won’t do as he asks.
Why it’s toxic: Manipulation makes you doubt your own decisions and actions, putting you under pressure to do things you may not want to do.
How to deal: Stop engaging in any form of manipulation. Stand your ground and let him know you won’t be manipulated into doing things that make you uncomfortable.
3. Constantly Self-Centered
Do you feel like your brother only cares about himself? He may always expect all the attention to be on his needs, desires, and problems while ignoring yours.
Why it’s toxic: Self-centeredness causes your needs and feelings to go unnoticed. You’ll likely feel unseen and unimportant.
How to deal: Try to discuss the importance of support for one another with him. You could also acknowledge his needs and tell him how he can support yours.
Related:30 Hot Seat Questions for Kids
4. Jealousy and Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is common, but your brother may take it too far. He might make passive-aggressive comments, belittle you, or try to sabotage you in subtle ways.
Why it’s toxic: Jealousy breeds negativity and competition in the relationship, as opposed to support and love. This behavior will take its toll on your self-confidence.
How to deal: Try to nip any jealousy in the bud by addressing it calmly and kindly. If his jealousy persists, you may need to distance yourself and focus on building your self-confidence.
5. Disrespecting Your Boundaries
Does your brother often cross your boundaries, whether emotional, physical, or personal? He might ignore your need for space, invade your privacy, or overstep in ways that make you feel uncomfortable.
Why it’s toxic: Disrespecting your boundaries shows a complete lack of respect for your personal space and autonomy. You may feel resentful and frustrated.
How to deal: Clearly communicate your boundaries and expect him to respect them. If he continues to overstep your boundaries, you need to distance yourself from him.
Related:5 Ways to Help Your Kids Listen
6. Unhealthy Dependence
Does your brother rely heavily on you, both emotionally and practically, even when it’s unreasonable? He may constantly seek your help, attention, and support, refusing to take responsibility for his own life.
Why it’s toxic: Unhealthy dependence can leave you feeling emotionally and physically drained and burned out. It prevents you and your brother from growing.
How to deal: Tell your brother he needs to be more self-reliant. Set limits on the kind of support you can offer and stick to them. Say no if his needs become too much to handle.
Related:How To Teach Your Kids About Money
7. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you question your perception of events or reality. Does your brother gaslight you by twisting your words, denying his behavior, or accusing you of things you haven’t done?
Why it’s toxic: Gaslighting can be highly abusive, making you feel confused, anxious, and self-doubting.
How to deal: Know how to recognize gaslighting and stand firm in trusting your own perception of events. Document conversations or incidents as evidence if you have to.
8. Constantly Putting You Down
Does your brother often belittle you, either behind your back or in front of others? He might make snide remarks about your appearance, achievements, or decisions.
Why it’s toxic: Constantly putting you down can damage your self-esteem and make you feel small. These remarks often come from insecurity or a desire to feel superior.
How to deal: Stand up for yourself and calmly express how his behavior makes you feel. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Related:How to Make Your Kids Mentally Strong
9. Exploiting Your Kindness
A toxic brother may take advantage of your kindness and generosity. He may do you favors and then not reciprocate, or he may make promises and not keep them.
Why it’s toxic: Exploitation makes you feel like your kindness is being taken for granted, leaving you emotionally drained and frustrated.
How to deal: Don’t be afraid to say no when you feel that you’re being taken for granted. Practice setting limits and demand reciprocity.
10. Lack of Accountability
Does your brother fail to take responsibility for his actions or his mistakes? He might blame others or make excuses rather than accepting blame.
Why it’s toxic: A lack of accountability stifles personal growth and leaves you picking up the pieces of his messes with no apology or recognition.
How to deal: Calmly confront him with the facts and insist he takes responsibility for his actions. If he won’t, reduce the emotional investment you have in the relationship.
11. Draining Your Energy
A toxic brother is a major source of stress in your life. Whether it’s through constant drama, conflict, or his mere presence, his behavior can deplete your energy.
Why it’s toxic: Having to constantly deal with drama and negativity can lead to emotional burnout and feelings of walking on eggshells around him.
How to deal: Recognize when you need to take a step back and protect your peace and energy. Cut him off when he’s being overly negative or draining.
12. Being Emotionally Distant
A toxic brother may be emotionally unavailable or distant. He might show little interest in supporting you, spending time with you, or being a part of your life.
Why it’s toxic: Emotional distance can leave you feeling unimportant and unworthy of love and attention from someone who should be your ally.
How to deal: If your brother is emotionally distant, try opening up to him about your feelings. If he’s unwilling to engage, focus on your emotional well-being and find support elsewhere.
13. Being Overly Competitive
Your brother may be highly competitive, constantly comparing himself to you and trying to one-up you. This can create unnecessary tension and strain in the relationship.
Why it’s toxic: Excessive competition in sibling relationships damages them and creates a sense of rivalry rather than support.
How to deal: Work on having open conversations about healthy competition and mutual support. Aim to build each other up instead of constantly competing.
14. Disrespecting Your Boundaries
Similar to the first point, a toxic brother often shows no respect for your boundaries. He might push your limits and test your patience, without regard for your comfort or consent.
Why it’s toxic: This is a direct violation of trust and personal autonomy and can lead to emotional harm.
How to deal: Be assertive in expressing your boundaries. Make it clear to your brother when his behavior is crossing a line.
15. Constant Drama and Chaos
A toxic brother may always be stirring up drama and chaos, whether it’s through arguments, conflicts, or just by bringing negativity into your life. He will likely be a constant source of stress and anxiety.
Why it’s toxic: Constant drama and chaos can leave you feeling on edge and unable to find peace of mind in the relationship.
How to deal: Identify when he’s being unnecessarily dramatic and work on protecting your emotional health. Limiting contact or engagement with him can help.
Final Thoughts:
Dealing with a toxic brother is not easy, but you don’t have to suffer in silence. There are things you can do to protect yourself and your emotional well-being from his toxicity. First and foremost, recognize his toxic behaviors and set clear boundaries with him. Don’t be afraid to call him out on his behavior when you see it and express how it makes you feel.
If your brother is truly toxic, it may be necessary to distance yourself from him. This doesn’t have to mean cutting off all contact or communication, but you should prioritize your own health, happiness, and peace over having a relationship with him.
Reach out to friends, other family members, or professional counselors who can support you through this. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, so don’t be afraid to prioritize your emotional health.
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