By now, most of us know the significant role that our parents play in the development of our sense of self, confidence, and ability to form intimate relationships.
We must agree that there is a remarkable difference between the life our children lead if their father behaves in healthy, respectful, and supportive ways, versus if he consistently exhibits narcissistic behavior.
Today, we are going to provide you with a definitive list of the signs of narcissistic fathers, share a brief description of what these behaviors might look like in a family setting, and list a few of the most common ways in which this can affect us in adulthood.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your father might have narcissistic personality disorder, we hope these signs can provide the answers you’ve been seeking.
Keep in mind that this article is not a replacement for professional mental health support. If you would like to discuss your relationship with your father with a therapist, please consider booking a session with us or another mental health provider.
What Does It Mean to Have a Narcissistic Father?
At its core, having a narcissistic father means that your parent has always prioritized his needs, image, and power over the emotional well-being of his children. It’s important to understand that this does not refer to a father with a healthy amount of self-confidence, who is not afraid to receive recognition and praise.
Narcissistic behavior in a father is a pattern of unhealthy actions – self-absorption, manipulation, and callousness, among others. Children of narcissistic fathers grow up feeling invisible, misunderstood, and unloved for who they are.
1. He Always Puts Himself First
The most common sign of a narcissistic father is self-absorption – everything in the family centers around him, including the needs, achievements, and even opinions of others.
For instance, he may insist on deciding what the family does during the weekends instead of considering his children’s or spouse’s interests. The consistent focus on the narcissistic parent and disregarding the needs or wants of children and partners is a key element of narcissistic behavior in a family.
Related: 15 Things Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Do
2. He Seeks Constant Admiration
Narcissistic fathers are people who constantly seek praise and recognition. As a result, he may expect compliments for his financial support, even to the point of blaming his children for not being sufficiently grateful for having their basic needs met.
He may also want to be the center of attention. Therefore, even if his child excels at something, he will try to divert the attention back onto himself, saying something like, “You wouldn’t have done this without me.”
3. He Lacks Empathy
A crucial part of being a father is being able to empathize with your children’s emotions. A healthy parent notices when their child is in distress, listens to them, and tries to offer help.
On the other hand, a narcissistic father may have a long list of responses designed to gaslight children. For example, he might tell them they are being “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “dramatic.” This constant lack of empathy leaves children of narcissistic fathers feeling emotionally neglected.
Related: 35 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother
4. He Uses Control and Manipulation
Control is the cornerstone of narcissistic behavior. This is why a narcissistic father may try to control his children – to an extent that would be abnormal for a healthy parent. He may insist that his children make career or even friendship choices that he approves of.
If they fail to meet his expectations, the parent may use shaming, guilt-tripping, or direct anger to force his children to comply. This makes it nearly impossible for children of narcissistic fathers to grow up independently and trust their own judgment.
5. He Turns Everything into a Competition
A narcissistic father will always feel the need to one-up or at least match his children in everything they do. As a result, he may feel threatened by his child’s success. Instead of being happy for them, he may try to outshine them. For instance, if his child becomes good at a sport, a narcissistic father may say something like, “Well, when I was your age, I was much better than you.”
6. He Has Unpredictable Mood Swings
Life with a narcissistic father is like living with a ticking time bomb. For example, he may go from gracious and generous to utterly mean in a matter of seconds. Because of this, children of narcissistic fathers live in constant fear that they may accidentally say or do something to upset him, and they can never truly relax at home.
Related: 15 Signs of Bad Parenting
7. He Rarely Apologizes
Most healthy people know when they are wrong and can apologize. Narcissistic fathers are an exception to this rule, as they struggle to even see their own faults, let alone apologize for them. Instead of acknowledging their wrongdoings, they will try to redirect the blame or justify their behavior. As a result, children of narcissistic fathers learn that their emotions don’t matter, and their father never has to be accountable for his actions.
8. He Plays Favorites
You may wonder why narcissistic fathers treat one of their children as their favorite, especially when they are so lonely themselves.
This is because narcissistic fathers know how to use their children to maintain their power and status, even though the children are not born into a high position in society. One child may become the “golden child” who can do no wrong in their father’s eyes.
Meanwhile, the other child becomes the scapegoat who is blamed for all of the father’s problems. This competition between children often destroys sibling relationships.
9. He Exploits His Children
Another way in which a narcissistic father uses his children to serve his ego is by expecting them to help with his reputation and image.
For example, he may feel justified in bragging about his children’s accomplishments as if they are his own. He may also overburden them with adult responsibilities at an inappropriate age and use their labor as a free resource. On top of that, narcissistic fathers may pressure their children to choose specific careers to enhance their personal reputation.
10. He Creates a Fear-Based Environment
In families with narcissistic fathers, love, warmth, and care take a back seat to fear, control, and punishment.
Children of narcissistic fathers grow up fearing a number of things, including disappointing him, making mistakes, or even expressing their own needs and feelings. As a result, these children suffer from anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem for many years to come.
11. He Shows Conditional Love
A narcissistic father only shows love when his children are exceptional – whether in terms of performance or behavior.
If his children misbehave or do not meet his standards of perfection, his love and affection will quickly disappear. Genuine acceptance and unconditional love are things a narcissistic father is usually unable to provide. These actions leave deep emotional scars and make his children doubt their worth.
12. He Ignores Boundaries
Another sign of a narcissistic father is his disregard for his children’s boundaries. He may invade their privacy by reading their personal journals, disregarding their opinions, or meddling in adult children’s personal lives. The narcissistic father’s need for control and power always overrides the children’s need for privacy and autonomy.
How These Signs Affect Us in Adulthood
It’s well-known that growing up with a narcissistic father does not just affect childhood – its impact lasts throughout adulthood. Many children of narcissistic parents carry the negative experience into their adult relationships, professional lives, and sense of self. It is not uncommon for these individuals to suffer from:
Low self-esteem (feeling “not good enough” all the time)
Inability to trust others (expecting control and manipulation)
Fear of failure (living under constant pressure to prove themselves)
Attraction to toxic relationships (stuck in familiar but unhealthy dynamics)
Challenges with boundaries (either struggling to set them or feeling guilty for doing so)
The first step toward freeing yourself from the weight of a narcissistic parent’s behavior is to notice it.
Steps Toward Healing
If the signs of a narcissistic father described above resonate with you, we have some sad news and some good news. The sad news is that you are not alone in your struggle, and you will likely be dealing with your father’s behavior for much of your life. The good news is that you can take steps toward healing, including:
Acknowledge the truth – The first step toward healing from a narcissistic parent’s behavior is to simply accept that such behavior exists and name it.
Set boundaries – It’s perfectly okay to tell your father what you will and will not tolerate. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect.
Seek support – Therapy, support groups, or even trusted friends can offer valuable perspective and support.
Practice self-care – Make time for self-care, including taking rest and joy seriously.
Rebuild your identity – A narcissistic parent will try to keep you in a role that serves their needs. Discover who you are outside of their control.
Final Thoughts
Experiencing narcissistic behavior from your father can be deeply painful and leave you with emotional scars.
However, the first step toward freeing yourself from the impact of such behavior is simply naming it. By doing so, you begin to separate yourself from your narcissistic parent. There is a path to healing that doesn’t have to last a lifetime if you know what to do.
If the signs of a narcissistic father in this article resonate with you, remember that your worth does not depend on your father. You are an excellent person who deserves love, respect, and a life that reflects the quality of who you truly are.
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