Are you feeling guilty or overwhelmed because you don’t feel an overwhelming rush of love when you first meet your baby?
Did everyone tell you that you would love your baby instantly, and that you would have that amazing moment where you just look at your baby for the first time and your life is completely changed? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but we’ve got some slightly different news for you.
As many as one in seven new parents don’t feel that rush of love for their newborns immediately after birth. You may even feel utterly exhausted, out of touch, and unloving towards your newborn.
When you understand the reasons that can cause such responses, you can be better prepared. Let’s explore the nine reasons why you might not feel that instant love for your newborn immediately after birth.
9 Reasons Why You Don’t Love Your Newborn Baby at First Sight
1. You’re Exhausted
You’ve had a long day, quite possibly a long night, followed by an intense nine months of pregnancy leading up to your baby’s birth.
You were constantly exhausted, especially during the last trimester when you were carrying around the equivalent of a bowling ball on your belly.
And when you finally gave birth, that overwhelming love you were prepared for just doesn’t materialize.
Your mind is blank. Instead of feeling an overwhelming rush of love, you’re feeling absolutely exhausted.
For the record, this is not a myth; exhaustion is a very common reason why parents don’t feel that instant love for their newborn.
You went through hours of labor, a grueling delivery, all the cutting and sewing of your insides, then more nursing, blood loss, and exhaustion that hits you at the same moment you try to smile and look at your baby for the first time.
Oh, and did we forget to mention all those little paper forms you were asked to fill out? The whole time, you were just praying that you could finally collapse into a deep coma while your baby took their first breath.
The hospital room starts spinning around you as your sweet bundle of joy is wheeled away in the arms of the nurse.
Your sleep has been long overdue, and you had it drained out of you the moment you were introduced to your baby for the first time. The rush of adrenaline from finally giving birth was followed immediately by an instant crash of energy that left you unconscious on the delivery table.
What to do: Rest and take it easy.
Related: 15 Fun Ways to Exercise with Baby, Post-Pregnancy
2. The Birth Experience Was Traumatic or Complicated
You may not have that moment of bonding with your baby if your birth was long and difficult, or if you had to fight for that birth.
The experience might be full of mixed emotions, such as relief, fear, or even sadness, rather than those overwhelming feelings of joy you’re expecting.
For some mothers, their birth experience was long, painful, and traumatic, with multiple interventions and medical emergencies, which can all leave a bitter taste and cause you to feel somewhat overwhelmed rather than elated when you meet your newborn. This is another big reason why you may not feel love for your newborn at first sight.
Birth is a process you have to survive before you can truly enjoy the arrival of your baby. If your birth experience was traumatic or difficult, your emotions can get mixed up in the recovery and healing process.
What to do: Consult your therapist or counselor. Talk about your experience, deal with it, and let it go. Birth trauma is no joke.
3. You’re Still Getting to Know Your Baby
Your baby has spent the past nine months inside you, but now you have to get to know them from scratch.
Just when your due date arrives, you’ve got a new baby to learn how to feed and care for. You don’t know this tiny human being that the hospital is handing you. They feel instantly like a stranger. You need time to familiarize yourself with them, learn their needs, and figure out what comforts them.
It takes time, and when they are placed in your arms, all you can think about is how to nurse them, what their temperature is, and how to swaddle them. You’re so focused on keeping them comfortable and alive that there’s just no space in your mind for all that overwhelming love. For your own baby.
Don’t rush it. It takes time to fall in love with and truly get to know your child. Relax and enjoy the process of building that relationship.
Related:10 Ways to Keep Your Baby’s Skin Healthy
4. You’re Undergoing Hormonal Changes
After giving birth, your body undergoes significant hormonal changes. The high levels of estrogen and progesterone that were elevated during pregnancy drop dramatically.
As your hormones fall, you may experience mood swings, irritability, and emotional highs and lows. This is another major reason why some new parents don’t feel that immediate love for their newborn.
Just when you’re being asked to bond with your baby, all you can think about is how your body is going through these crazy changes, and that you need to balance your hormones. This alone can take all of your focus away from the instant love you’re expected to feel.
Hormonal changes cause emotional changes that you need time to deal with. It will take time before you return to a balanced emotional state.
What to do: Relax, let your body recover, and be gentle with yourself. Ask for professional help if you’re struggling to manage these postpartum mood swings and irritability.
5. You’re Grieving the Loss of Your Pre-Baby Life
The birth of your baby causes a massive and immediate shift in your life. If you already had children, your time alone with your partner is gone. If you’re a single parent, your personal time and independence have suddenly vanished.
You may even be grieving the loss of your pre-baby body and feel like everything has changed. Birth is a transformative event, but that doesn’t mean you won’t feel a sense of loss when you first meet your baby.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve these losses, and the grief that hits you at the same time you try to smile at your baby for the first time can make you feel anxious and out of control.
You’ve just experienced a life-changing event, and your body is transforming into an entirely different version of yourself. Your mind needs time to absorb all the changes and adjust to the new reality of motherhood.
What to do: Accept the changes and losses. Embrace your new life and your baby. Allow yourself to grieve the old you, your pre-baby body, and your lost independence, but accept that this is the start of a new chapter in your life.
Related: 7 Signs You’re Overfeeding Your Baby
6. You’re Struggling with Expectations vs. Reality
Many new parents have idealized expectations of what motherhood will be like, including an instant rush of love for their baby.
However, the reality of caring for a newborn can be challenging and overwhelming. Sleepless nights, constant feeding, and the adjustment to a new routine can make it difficult to feel that overwhelming love immediately.
Disappointment can occur when your expectations don’t align with the reality of parenthood. The lack of that “perfect moment” can lead to feelings of inadequacy, but this doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good job as a parent.
What to do: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. The first few weeks of parenthood are difficult, and over time, the love and connection will grow.
7. You’re Feeling Overwhelmed by the Responsibility
Becoming a parent is a huge responsibility, and it can feel overwhelming. You’re now responsible for someone else’s well-being 24/7.
After nine months of pregnancy, suddenly, it’s all on you. You need to care for them, make sure they’re fed, changed, and safe. The weight of this responsibility can make it hard to feel that rush of love, as your focus is entirely on managing the demands of parenthood.
New parenthood is a huge responsibility, and it can make you feel anxious or even distant from your baby at first. These feelings are completely normal.
What to do: Take it one day at a time. You don’t have to do everything perfectly. Ask for help when needed, and remember that this phase will pass.
Related: 5 Signs Your Baby Is Ready To Stop Napping
8. You’re Experiencing Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression (PPD) affects many new mothers and can make it difficult to bond with your baby.
If you’re struggling with PPD, you may not feel that immediate love or connection. You might feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or even guilty for not feeling the way you thought you would.
What to do: Seek support from a doctor or therapist if you believe you may be experiencing postpartum depression. You deserve support and care, and treatment can help you reconnect with your baby.
9. Bonding Takes Time
Bonding with your baby doesn’t always happen immediately. While some parents feel an instant connection, others find that the bond grows over time. This is completely normal, and there’s no set timeline for when you will feel that deep love. The bond forms gradually as you spend time with your baby and get to know them better.
Bonding is a slow and natural process. It’s not something that can be rushed, and the love you feel for your baby will deepen over time.
What to do: Be patient with yourself. Spend quality time with your baby, and don’t rush the process. The connection will come as you both get to know each other.
Conclusion
It’s perfectly normal not to feel an overwhelming rush of love when you first meet your baby. The journey to parenthood is filled with many emotions, and sometimes, the bond develops gradually.
If you find yourself not feeling an immediate connection, know that you are not alone. Every parent’s experience is different, and the love will come in time.
Be kind to yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support if needed. Your baby’s love and your connection will grow stronger each day.
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