You may have heard the expression that the two things all children, regardless of age, desire most in life are to be rich and to be deeply loved by their parents. It’s a common adage for a reason.
Research has proven it true time and again. For as many parents who claim they don’t think they’re doing a good job, the reality is most of them adore their children more than they could ever imagine possible.
However, there are always those circumstances where their behavior may belie that reality, or there are issues that cause the relationship to become more fractious, strained, or fractured than usual. Family dynamics aren’t static and unchanging.
They can always improve, and they can always decline. The important point is that they are malleable, changeable, and open to constant growth, improvement, development, and deepening.
What Is Parental Love?
One of the first steps in improving your relationship with your parents is to understand their motivations, methods, and behaviors regarding love.
Parents love their children in different ways, and often, those modes of love don’t match our personal expression of it. One common misunderstanding about how parental love is delivered is the idea that every moment, our parents are explicitly in a state of conveying their love to us in some kind of demonstrative, overt way.
While the reality is, most of the time, their love is shown through action, not spoken word. Parents show their love to their children in ways that are often more subtle, and they do so most of the time.
How they show love can vary dramatically. Some parents express their love verbally with overt words of affirmation (“You’re doing a great job”).
Others communicate love by action (“Mom cooked you dinner,” “Dad helped you study for your test,” “Dad is working overtime so he can pay the bills”).
How to make your parents love you more
1. Practice Appreciation for Things They Do
Gratitude is one of the most overlooked actions we can take in our relationships. Parents work hard, and almost every moment of the day can be spent going 110% for us.
When we consciously make an effort to notice the things they do for us and express our gratitude, we automatically create a space of positivity, receptivity, and love.
Here are some small, easy-to-implement ideas to start expressing more gratitude to your parents:
Say thanks. A small, simple, “Thanks for dinner, Mom” or “I really appreciate you driving me, Dad” can go a long way.
Acknowledge sacrifice. Parents often forgo their own needs, desires, dreams, and goals to help support their children and households. When you notice it, make a point to acknowledge it.
Give compliments. A “Mom, you look nice today” or “Dad, you work so hard, I really appreciate it” are great ways to make your parents feel special.
Parents love to feel noticed and appreciated. When we are intentional about showing gratitude, the return is often greater love.
Related: How to Make Your Parents Forgive You
2. Communicate More Openly and Honestly
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. When we stop talking, we allow walls to form. Without honest and transparent communication, misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and negative assumptions create a reality where love cannot grow.
Simple, open, authentic, and kind communication is one of the best methods for ensuring there are few barriers to your parents’ love. By focusing on clear and honest communication, you can help create an environment where there is no misunderstanding or gap in what you’re both trying to communicate.
Talk about what’s going on in your life. Don’t bottle things up. Share your highs, lows, and everything in between.
Ask about them. Parents are people too. They have stories, pasts, goals, hopes, and dreams.
Listen. Active listening and giving your undivided attention are some of the best ways to help others feel close to us.
Open communication is a conduit for love, so the more you can do to create an environment where communication is easy, honest, and meaningful, the more you can increase the love you both feel for each other.
Related: How to make Your Parents to Say Yes to a Dog
3. Respect Their Rules and Boundaries
Respect is one of the greatest indicators of love. Parents often have rules that, to the younger generation, seem “unfair,” “beyond their rights,” or “totally arbitrary.”
This is often true. Parents aren’t always correct, and even if they have your best interest at heart, that doesn’t mean the rules they set are well thought out, logical, or reasonable.
However, showing your parents respect for their rules and boundaries helps create an environment where your parents don’t have to question your level of maturity.
Follow the house rules. Whether it’s doing chores without being asked, keeping a clean room, or coming home by a certain time, following your parents’ rules shows respect and care.
Talk respectfully about rules you disagree with. If you feel your parents have set a rule that’s unfair, talk to them respectfully about it instead of getting angry or subverting the rules.
Recognize their experience. Parents are older and often have more life experience than we can fathom. It’s worthwhile to humble ourselves and acknowledge their life journey.
Respect is not about suppressing your own identity or letting yourself be pushed around. It’s an indicator of maturity and a desire for healthy relationships.
Related: How To Make Your Parents Trust You
4. Spend Quality Time Together
Parents love it when their children make an effort to spend time with them. It doesn’t need to be anything special; just simple, meaningful, repeated moments together can go a long way in making them feel loved.
Eat dinner together. Research shows that family dinners are one of the best ways to keep communication strong and relationships healthy.
Share activities. Whether it’s watching a show, cooking a meal together, or going for a walk, simple joint hobbies can be helpful.
Make family traditions. Family movie nights, Sunday breakfasts, or holiday rituals all deepen family connections.
Time is a limited and often undervalued resource, but when it comes to something that can create and deepen bonds, few things are more powerful than sharing time together.
Related: How to Make Your Parents Get You a Phone (Without Arguing)
5. Help Them in Small Ways
Parents love it when their children give back or help them. While parents are often the caretakers of their children, their needs and wants matter too. Parents, at some level, are still their own parents and spouses, and they want to feel cared for and helped as well.
Help with small tasks. Whether it’s carrying the grocery bags, fixing something around the house, or running small errands, a little help goes a long way.
Be considerate. Turn down the music if they’re resting, clean up after yourself, or simply be aware of how your actions impact them.
Celebrate their accomplishments. Cheer them on at work or celebrate their hobbies or personal wins.
Helping our parents or offering service is a love language. When you do small things to make their lives easier, it shows you’re paying attention and care.
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