Parents all want their children to feel safe, loved, and guided. The inevitable question is: how? As any parent of a toddler can attest, discipline and 18 months go together like carrots and sticks.
But if you’ve ever had a 1-year-old, you know that carrot sticks are the more appropriate metaphor. Around 18 months old, your toddler is bound to be extra squirmy: full of newfound energy, testing their independence, and, of course, throwing monumental tantrums.
We’ve guided so many families with toddlers through this critical stage, and one thing has always remained constant:
Discipline with an 18-month-old is not about punishment.
It is, instead, an opportunity to teach, to guide, and to nurture. In this post, we’ll cover exactly what discipline should look like for toddlers. We’ll explain why 18 months is such a critical age and offer practical, proven strategies for instilling calm and consistency.
What is Discipline for Toddlers?
Before we discuss how to discipline an 18-month-old, we first need to understand why we need to discipline them differently than older children. Below, we’ve included some of the key reasons why discipline at 18 months should look different.
Big feelings, tiny words: 18-month-olds have strong feelings but limited ways to express themselves. Instead of telling us why they’re upset, they throw tantrums, hit, scream, or fling objects.
Craving independence: Your little one may be chomping at the bit to do everything “all by myself!” but simply can’t yet muster the ability or patience.
Testing boundaries: They are still learning what is safe and not, and they need you to teach them. They also want to know just how far they can push before you say no.
Short attention span: At 18 months, a child’s brain can’t take in or retain information as long or as well as an older kid’s.
Understanding these key dynamics is essential to making discipline less about punishment and more about age-appropriate, gentle teaching.
Related: How to Raise Godly Children
Discipline with an 18-Month-Old
Discipline for toddlers should always be about teaching, guidance, and positive behavior modeling rather than reprimanding or punishment. Here’s why this is especially true for 18-month-olds:
At 18 months, children don’t have the same understanding of cause and effect as an older child. As such, our goals with discipline at this age should be:
Setting clear and safe boundaries
Redirecting toward acceptable behaviors
Teaching simple cause and effect
Providing comfort and consistency
With these goals in mind, discipline becomes less about control and more about connection.
Related: 15 Signs of Bad Parenting
Effective Discipline Strategies for Toddlers
1. Redirect, Redirect, Redirect
Toddlers are super active, curious, and constantly testing the limits of their newfound independence. This can easily lead to safety issues and power struggles. But one of the most effective, age-appropriate ways to discipline is to redirect their attention and energy to acceptable behaviors.
For example:
“You’re climbing on the chair, which is unsafe. Let’s climb on the play mat instead!”
Instead of punishment or lecture, give them a toy, activity, or object to redirect their energy and curiosity.
2. Keep Instructions Simple
This is a critical piece of age-appropriate toddler discipline! Toddlers have short attention spans and cannot understand long explanations or lectures.
As such, our instructions should always be short, to the point, and paired with physical action. For example:
“No hitting. Gentle hands.”
“We sit on the chair.”
“Hot. Don’t touch.”
3. Stay Consistent
Consistency is key to discipline with any child, but especially with toddlers. If your toddler sees you respond to the same behavior sometimes and other times not, they will be utterly confused. Instead, try to be as consistent as you can.
For example, if biting is immediately met with a firm “No biting, that hurts,” followed by redirection or timeout (more on that below), they will pick it up much faster than if they are sometimes ignored or scolded on other days.
Related: How To Make Your Kids Feel Loved
4. Give Choices
Kids this age often feel like they need to be in control of at least some decisions. By providing them with simple choices, we can head off many power struggles before they even start. For example:
“Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?”
“Do you want to walk to the car, or should I carry you?”
5. Offer Comfort
Tantrums are a normal, healthy part of being 18 months old. However, if your toddler has an epic meltdown, the most effective way to calm them is often to offer them comfort. Try:
Stay calm. It’s tempting, when they’re screaming, to get worked up. But remember, they’re taking their cues from you. Stay calm and they will, too.
Offer comfort: Sometimes all your toddler needs to calm down is a hug or a snuggle.
If they don’t want to be held, make sure they know you are close by so they don’t feel alone.
6. Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs
Time-outs are a widely accepted way of disciplining toddlers, but at 18 months old, they often do more harm than good. Instead, we recommend using “time-ins.”
Sit with them. When your toddler is upset or needs to calm down, have them sit with you on the couch or the ground.
Hold them. If they want to be held, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine, too.
Once they’ve calmed down, talk through what happened with them in very simple terms: “You were mad. Hitting hurts. Next time, use gentle hands.”
Time-ins keep you connected with your child while still maintaining boundaries.
7. Stay Calm During Tantrums
Tantrums are frustrating, and no parent enjoys having to handle them. But when they do occur, which they will:
Remember that you are your child’s emotional rock. They feed off of your energy, so if you stay calm and loving, they will too.
Offer Comfort: As mentioned above, sometimes all a toddler needs to calm down is some love and cuddles.
Give them space if they don’t want to be held: Stay near them so they know you’re there when they’re ready.
Don’t yell, shame, or punish tantrums: None of those techniques will teach your toddler self-control.
8. Set Realistic Expectations
One of the best ways to avoid constant battles over every single thing is to lower your expectations (at least temporarily). Toddlers:
Throw food on the ground because they’re full.
Refuse to share because they don’t understand sharing.
Don’t want to put down a toy because they’ve learned the word “no” and are applying it everywhere.
Know that sometimes what seems like a deliberate “bad” behavior is just toddler behavior.
9. Be Gentle with Your Child
Discipline should always be a positive and gentle way to guide your child’s behavior. Yelling, threatening, or punishing only teaches children to fear or avoid us. As such, always try to be as gentle and loving as possible.
10. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Modeling appropriate behavior is another vital part of toddler discipline. Toddlers listen less and observe more. If we want gentle touches, kind voices, and patient attitudes, we need to show our children those behaviors first.
If your toddler throws food on the ground, calmly pick it up and say, “Food stays on the table.”
Demonstrate sharing by offering them toys to share with you or siblings.
11. Use Positive Reinforcement
Catch your child being good, and praise specific actions instead of just saying “good job.” For example:
“I love how you put the block back in the box!”
“You used gentle hands with the puppy, that was kind.”
Positive attention is one of the best ways to shape a toddler’s behavior.
12. Support Emotional Development Through Discipline
Discipline isn’t just about preventing bad behavior; it’s about teaching emotional development and regulation.
At 18 months, your child is only just starting to become aware of their own feelings. They don’t, however, know how to manage them. One way we can help is to support their emotional development through discipline.
Validate their feelings while still holding firm on boundaries. For example:
“You’re sad because we had to leave the park.”
“You’re mad. You can stomp your feet, but you can’t hit.”
“It’s hard when we can’t have what we want. I understand.”
13. Routine, Routine, Routine
The more you can make things routine and predictable, the better. Toddlers feel safer when they know what to expect, which makes them more likely to respond to your boundaries and limits. The easiest way to do this is to practice the same calming routine any time discipline is necessary.
When they misbehave:
Pause and calm yourself: Take a deep breath before reacting.
State the limit: “No throwing toys. Toys stay on the floor.”
Redirect or offer an alternative: “Let’s throw balls into the basket instead.”
Acknowledge feelings: “You’re upset. It’s okay to be mad.”
Positive reinforcement: Praise when they comply.
Over time, this process will become second nature and will create a safe and predictable environment for your toddler.
14. Redefine Discipline
Discipline with a toddler is not punishment; it’s an opportunity to teach, guide, and nurture. At 18 months old, your child is still developing the foundational skills of cause and effect and emotional regulation. By approaching discipline with calm, patience, consistency, and love, we can help shape our child’s behavior in a positive way. And that is the best way to define discipline!
The Long-Term Effects of Gentle, Empathetic Discipline
Consistent, empathetic discipline may be hard in the moment, but the effects it has on your toddler’s long-term development are worth it. Gentle discipline helps develop:
Trust: Children learn to trust us as they see that we are always on their side.
Emotional regulation: Toddlers learn how to appropriately manage their big feelings.
Respect: By respecting our children’s needs and emotional development, they are more likely to respect us and the boundaries we set.
Confidence: When our child knows that we will always support and guide them, they are more likely to explore the world and learn.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I get my 18-month-old to stop bad behavior?
Try redirecting their behavior to something more positive, offering comfort, or using positive reinforcement.
Is discipline necessary for 18-month-olds?
Discipline, in the form of teaching, guidance, and setting appropriate limits, is necessary at 18 months old.
What should I expect from my 18-month-old in terms of discipline?
Prepare for testing of boundaries and limits, tantrums, and strong emotional outbursts.
Can you discipline an 18-month-old?
Yes, but discipline at 18 months should be about teaching, guidance, and redirecting rather than punishment.
My toddler is 18 months old. What discipline works at this age?
Redirection, simple instructions, positive reinforcement, and being calm are the most age-appropriate strategies.
How do I calm my 18-month-old down during tantrums?
Offer comfort by hugging them, staying calm, and keeping them near you until they’ve settled.
How can I discipline my toddler without punishing him?
Focus on teaching, guidance, and positive behavior modeling rather than punishment.
Should I discipline my toddler for bad behavior?
Yes, but use strategies that are age-appropriate, such as redirection, simple instructions, and consistency.
How do I discipline my toddler for throwing a tantrum?
Redirect them to an acceptable behavior or offer comfort.
Why is my toddler constantly fighting back when I try to discipline her?
Toddlers are still learning boundaries, limits, and appropriate behavior. They often test these things through resistance.
How can I discipline my toddler without spanking her?
Spanking is never recommended. Instead, use redirection, simple instructions, and positive reinforcement.
Final Thoughts
Discipline for an 18-month-old should never be about punishment. Instead, this is a time to teach, guide, and nurture. At 18 months old, toddlers are exploring, testing, and learning more about the world around them.
As such, our job as parents is to guide them with patience, consistency, and, most importantly, love. When we take the time to redirect, model good behavior, and respond with calm guidance, we are not just preventing tantrums and behavior in the moment. We are building a foundation of trust and emotional strength that will last long after our child’s toddlerhood.
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