We all know how hard it is to get children to listen to us: telling them to pick up their toys, eat their dinner, stop what they’re doing, and listen to you.
How do they ever do it themselves? If you have a child in your life who just doesn’t listen to you (no matter how hard you try), there are strategies that really work and can help improve your child’s listening skills.
We all want our children to listen and respect us as parents, and there are tried-and-tested, proven ways to get children to not only listen to us but to cooperate with us.
It all comes down to psychology—both in how the child’s brain processes information and in how you, as a parent, process information. Try these simple strategies to improve the way your children (and you) listen to each other.
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1. Get Down to Their Level
Children, especially younger ones, do not like it when a tall adult towers over them. From the adult’s perspective, this may not seem like a problem, but the child can see things differently. It can be a scary and intimidating experience for them, and a subconscious reaction to this is to simply ignore what is being said.
Stand or squat in front of your child so that you are at their height. This will help you make proper eye contact, which is essential for good listening. It will also show your child that you are present and giving your full attention to what you are saying. When you get down to their level, your child is much more likely to listen, and they are much more likely to think what you have to say is important.
Children will also be much more likely to listen when they know that their thoughts and feelings are being taken into account. By approaching them, you are inviting them to interact with you as an equal rather than demanding that they do something.
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2. Keep Your Instructions Clear and Simple
Parents sometimes have a bad habit of long-winded explanations. We have so much to tell our children! Long, complicated sentences also confuse children. Keep your instructions short and simple so they know exactly what they have to do.
If you ask a child to do many things at once, it can be difficult for them to wrap their head around it all at the same time. Give them one instruction at a time and make your sentences simple. For example, instead of saying, “Clean up the mess and put your toys away, and then we will do your homework, OK?,” just say, “Pick up your toys, and then we can do your homework.”
Praise the child if they follow through with your request. By breaking down large tasks into smaller, simple instructions, you will get your child to listen and, more importantly, help them develop good listening skills.
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3. Make Listening Fun and Interactive
Children respond to anything that can grab their attention and keep it. Play a game with your child! Turn listening into a fun and interactive activity. Tell them to pick up their toys as quickly as they can: “Race you to see who picks up all their toys first!”
Sing or recite a fun song or chant when you tell your child to do something, such as putting on their shoes or washing their hands. The listening and following along will be second nature to them, as they love rhythm and repetition. You can turn even the most mundane of tasks into something fun and interesting for your child, and in doing so, you are more likely to get them to cooperate.
Even with older children, you can always turn a request into a challenge. Make listening even more fun by adding a bit of humor to a serious discussion.
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4. Establish a Routine and Stick to It
Children love routine. They will be more inclined to listen to you when they know what to expect from you at certain times of the day. Children love knowing what is coming next and when to expect it. If you have a set time when you go to the grocery store, they will be ready for it each week.
Stick to a routine as much as possible. Ask your child to do a task at the same time every day, such as starting homework at 4 p.m. each day, and eventually, they will begin to naturally associate the time and the task together and be more inclined to listen when you ask them to do it.
Consistency is important, too. If you make a request in a clear, calm voice, they will know exactly what you want and how to react. By remaining consistent in your communication and routine, your child will feel safe and secure and will, therefore, be more likely to listen.
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5. Lead by Example: Model Good Listening Skills Yourself
We all know that children are great imitators. They often like to copy and mimic their parents, so if you want your child to be a good listener, you have to show them first! Be a good listener to your children and show them that you are willing to listen to them.
If your child is trying to get your attention or is telling you something important, stop what you are doing and make eye contact. Put your phone away, stop talking to other adults, and listen to what they have to say. By modeling good listening behavior, you will encourage your child to do the same.
Practice active listening with your children. Make sure that you are not just waiting for your turn to talk but are also looking for understanding about what your child is actually feeling when they speak to you. For example, if your child is frustrated and angry about something, instead of jumping to a quick solution, first empathize with them: “I can see you are very upset about this situation. Tell me what happened?”
Conclusion:
Children’s listening skills and levels of patience can take a while to improve. Don’t expect everything to be resolved instantly.
It takes time, patience, and consistency. By using these strategies to improve your child’s listening skills, you will see improvement in both your child and your parenting.
Building a strong emotional connection with your child is the most important way to get your child to listen to you.
These tips all have the same goal of building a strong connection with your child, and they also rely on patience and consistency.
Patience is important to your child, too. Show them that you understand that they are still learning, both how to be a good listener and how to control their emotions.
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