Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) can be confusing. After all, you don’t always realize as a child that you’re being neglected. But as an adult looking back, the signs are there. CEN is invisible abuse. It’s tough because it doesn’t leave bruises like physical or verbal abuse, but it can lead to long-term consequences.
You might be asking yourself, “Was my childhood really like that?” Maybe you grew up in an emotionally abusive household, but sometimes emotional neglect can be a silent issue.
If you’ve been in denial about childhood emotional neglect, you might be surprised to realize the signs you now see in yourself and ask, “Why” the behavior?
But the first step to changing your patterns is identifying emotional neglect from your childhood. In this post, we’re covering five signs of emotional neglect that you experienced as a child.
What Is Emotional Neglect?
Emotional neglect is when a caregiver fails to meet a child’s emotional needs. As a child, we’re dependent on our parents for all of our needs. If your caregiver is neglectful or invalidating of your emotions, or you’re not given the guidance, support, or reassurance you need, this is emotional neglect.
The issue is that there is no consistent bar for emotional neglect from family to family. Parents might be emotionally absent or unengaged for many different reasons. They might have their own problems that take them away emotionally, or they might not even realize how to support a child emotionally.
The effects on a child can be far-reaching. Without emotional support and guidance, a child might struggle in all kinds of ways as an adult. They might find themselves numb to their own emotions or unable to express those feelings to those who care about them. Here are the signs that you may have been emotionally neglected as a child.
Related: How To Make Your Kids Happy
5 Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect
1. Difficulty Identifying or Expressing Emotions
One of the first red flags for emotional neglect is having a difficult time with emotions. This often includes not being able to identify your emotions or express those emotions to others. We develop an understanding of our own emotions as children through emotional connection with our parents.
If a parent doesn’t validate or show a child that their emotions matter, it can be difficult to identify what you’re feeling. You might not know the words for how you feel or understand your emotions, which makes it difficult to express those emotions and share them with the people around you.
If you grew up with emotionally neglectful parents, you may have the following traits as an adult:
Not being able to identify when you’re sad, angry, or anxious.
Difficulty expressing your emotions to your friends and family.
Feeling overwhelmed by emotions you don’t understand.
Engaging in emotional outbursts.
2. Feeling Invisible or Unimportant
If you ever felt as a child that your parents did not see you or your emotions, then you may have experienced emotional neglect as a child. Emotionally neglected children often report feeling as though they were not seen or heard by their parents or caregivers.
You may have grown up thinking that what you say doesn’t matter or that the people you love don’t actually see or care for you. It can leave you feeling as if you were invisible as a child, and that can be hard to shake off even into adulthood.
Signs that you might have been emotionally neglected include:
Feeling lonely or left out even when you have people around you.
Hesitation to ask for help or attention.
Being a “fixer” in relationships, where you take on the burden.
Lack of emotional connection or emptiness.
Related: How to Make Your Kids Feel Special Every Day
3. Trouble Forming Healthy Relationships
Parents or caregivers who emotionally neglect their children don’t provide an emotional model for children to follow in their own relationships. Adults with a history of childhood emotional neglect often struggle with healthy adult relationships.
They might not know how to talk about their emotions, where to set boundaries, or how to be vulnerable with someone else. This can lead to issues in emotional connection or reliance on others. As adults, some of these people find themselves unable to express their own emotions or ask for what they need.
Signs that you might struggle with relationships include:
Fear of rejection or abandonment.
Difficulty opening up or sharing emotions.
Being overly codependent in relationships.
Holding back in intimate or vulnerable moments.
Related: How to Make Your Parents Forgive You
4. Chronic Feelings of Guilt or Shame
Carrying feelings of guilt or shame into adulthood is a sign of emotional neglect in childhood. Children who grow up without validation for their emotions or needs often feel guilty about their emotional needs as adults.
Some children grow up believing they were a burden on their parent’s time and energy or that they were somehow to blame for their parent’s behavior or lack of care. This often leads to guilt as an adult about a variety of things or a sense of shame about who they are.
Signs that you experience chronic guilt or shame include:
Constant apologizing or fear of being seen as too much.
Feelings of being undeserving or lack of self-worth.
Negative self-talk or berating yourself.
Perfectionism or never feeling like you’re good enough.
Related: How To Make Your Parents Trust You
5. Low Self-Esteem and Lack of Self-Worth
Adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood often report a lack of self-esteem or sense of self-worth. This is because, as children, we’re like sponges, absorbing messages from our parents without processing them.
If a parent is not available or gives mixed messages to a child about their worth or emotions, it can lead to a child growing up thinking they are unlovable or that their feelings don’t matter. Over time, this develops into low self-esteem.
Signs that you may have low self-esteem or lack a sense of self-worth include:
A need for constant validation.
Difficulty accepting compliments or praise.
Feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt.
Self-criticism or putting yourself down.
How to Heal From Emotional Neglect
The first step in recovering from childhood emotional neglect is being able to identify those signs of neglect. Recovery is possible, but it will take time and patience with yourself. Here are some steps you can take to heal from emotional neglect:
Acknowledge Your Emotions
You may need to work with your feelings and face them as they are. This can be scary, but by acknowledging your emotions and accepting them as they are, you can begin the healing process. Journaling, mindfulness, or therapy are all great ways to help you name and identify your emotions.
Get Therapy
A therapist or counselor can be an invaluable support as you work to heal from childhood emotional neglect. A therapist can help you face those difficult emotions and give you the guidance and support that your parents may not have been able to give you. Therapy can also be great for improving your self-esteem or relationships.
Practice Self-Compassion
Above all else, it is important that you show yourself compassion. You were not to blame for the emotional neglect you experienced as a child, and it’s important that you treat yourself as you would any other friend. Take time to care for yourself and remember that your emotions are valid.
Establish Healthy Relationships
Look for people in your life who can offer you the emotional support and understanding that you might have missed out on as a child. Practice allowing yourself to be vulnerable with these people and know that these relationships will be a support to you as you work to heal from emotional neglect.
Final Thoughts
There are some important signs of emotional neglect as a child that you should look for. If you see any of these in yourself, take heart, because recovery from emotional neglect is possible. With some patience, self-care, and therapy, you can start to heal from those past wounds and create healthy relationships with others.
Did you recognize any of these signs in yourself? We’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
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